10 *KEY2 RUN |M
   20 CLS
   30 VDU2
   40 VDU1,14:PRINT"†PENSIONERS DENY POOLS† WIN"
   50 VDU1,14:PRINT"†---------------------†----"'
   60 :
   70 PRINT"…Mr Downie a pensioner in his… early seventies said"
   80 PRINT"'…Yes it's true I have just b…ought a new car and a new five bedroome…d"
   90 PRINT"…house with double gates in M…orningside Edinburgh,  And yes I have …bought"
  100 PRINT"…a new golf club,  But it onl…y has nine holes',"'
  110 :
  120 PRINT"ƒMrs Downie, (40), Who dEscriƒbes herself as a premature pensioner saƒid"
  130 PRINT"'ƒIt was just luck that we diƒdn't win,  We dont actually fill in the ƒpools"
  140 PRINT"ƒcoupon so when the cheque diƒdn't arrive we weren't really suprised',"'
  150 :
  160 PRINT"‚Asked what they where going ‚to do with the money they didn't have,"
  170 PRINT"‚Mrs Downie replied, 'We will‚ give half to our handsome young son"
  180 PRINT"‚who doesn't need it,  So tha‚t he will not be able to buy a new hous‚e',"'
  190 :
  200 PRINT"Mr Downie moving over to the electric fireplace,  Coughed and spat into it"
  210 PRINT"Mrs Downie gave him a long stare and turning to our reporter said,"
  220 PRINT"'I must appologise for him, I keep telling him that it's not a real fire"
  230 PRINT"but when you get to his age,  Well you know,  I've had to remove the poker"
  240 PRINT"for obvious reasons,  He's already blacked the town out twice',"'
  250 :
  260 PRINT"ƒMr Downie turned to our repoƒrter, 'Eh! Whats that?  Give him half'"
  270 PRINT"ƒwhat we haven't won,  Never!ƒ That good for nothing skinflint,  He wƒoudn't'"
  280 PRINT"ƒspend it, I haven't worked hƒard all my life to have nothing just toƒ give"
  290 PRINT"ƒhim half to spend',"'
  300 :
  310 PRINT"†At this Mr Downie sat down a†nd then eased himself up to one side an†d broke"
  320 PRINT"†wind in a most viscous manne†r.  Mrs Downie buried her face in her p†inafore"
  330 PRINT"†either through embarassment †or fear and our reporter went to retrie†ve his"
  340 PRINT"†cap,  And after opening the †window I asked Mrs Downie if they had a†ny"
  350 PRINT"†plans for going on holidays †this year,"'
  360 :
  370 PRINT"'…No we did think of going to… America,  to Chicago in fact.  But whe…n I"
  380 PRINT"…heard that it was called Win…dy City, no I thought, I get enough of …that"
  390 PRINT"…with him over there',"'
  400 :
  410 PRINT"‚Mr Downie said nothing but r‚aised himself up again,  Mrs Downie smi‚led"
  420 PRINT"‚sympathetically at me and sa‚id, 'Do you want a hanky dear?, It some‚times"
  430 PRINT"‚helps,'Mr Downie sat down ag‚ain. False alarm. We all breathed again‚, But"
  440 PRINT"‚not too deeply.  I thanked t‚he couple for their time and took my le‚ave,"'
  450 :
  460 PRINT"„As I was going out of the fr„ont door,  Mrs Downie called after me,'„ Just"
  470 PRINT"„leave the front door open we„ need the flow through of air'. I did a„s she"
  480 PRINT"„requested,  more in sorrow t„han in anger,  As I reached my car I he„ard the"
  490 PRINT"„sound of Mr Downies voice,  „'Has he gone then? Thank heavens for th„at,"'
  500 PRINT"I hate having to be polite when strangers are in'."'
  510 :
  520 PRINT"------------"
  530 :
  540 VDU3:END
  550 REM" ”<,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,l
  560 REM"”5   ƒScotch Humour  œ  ”j
  570 REM"”5   ƒScotch Humour  œ  ”j
  580 REM" ”5 …    Composed  By      ”j
  590 REM" ”5 †     Jim Downie       ”j
  600 REM" ”5ƒComputed By Fred Price ”j
  610 REM" ”5‚       10/8/94         ”j
  620 REM" ”-,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.
  630 REM" ‚     SAVE"B.POOLS"       œ