NOTICE

The objective of all dedicated company employees should be to analyse
thoroughly all situations, anticipate all problems prior to their occurrence,
have answers to these problems, and move swiftly to solve these problems when
called upon.... however... when you are up to your waist in alligators, it is
difficult to remind yourself that your initial objective was to drain the
swamp.


We, the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible, for the
ungrateful.

We have done so much, for so long, with so little;

We are now qualified to do anything with nothing.



BUSINESS DICTIONARY

To Expedite:

  To compound confusion with emotion.

Channels:
 
  The trails left by inter-office memos.

Consultant or Expert:

  Any ordinary guy more than 50 miles from home.

To Activate:

  To make carbons and add more names to the memo.

To Implement a Program:

  Hire more people and expand the office.

Under Consideration:

  Never heard of it.

Under Active Consideration:

  We are looking in the files for it.

A Meeting:

  A mass milling by masterminds.

A Conference:

  A place where conversation is substituted for the
  dreariness of labour and the loneliness of thought.

To Negotiate:

  To seek a meeting of the minds without the knocking
  together of the heads.

Re-Orientation:

  Getting used to working again.

Reliable Source:

  The guy you have just met.

Informed Source: 
 
  The guy who told the guy you just met.

Unimpeachable Source:

  The guy who started the rumour originally.

A Clarification:

  To fill in the background with so much detail the
  foreground goes underground.

We Are Making a Survey:

  We need more time to think up an answer.

Note and Initial:

  Let's spread the responsibility for this around.

See Me and Lets Discuss:

  Come along to my office, I'm lonely.

Lets Get Together on This:

  I am assuming that your're as confused as I am.

Will Advise in Due Course:

  If we manage to figure it out, we will let you know.

Give Us the Benefit of Your Present Thinking:

  We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it
  does not interfere with what we've already decided
  to do.



BOY, WHY I'M TIRED....

Boy am I tired. For years I have blamed it on middle age, poor blood, lack of
vitamins, air pollution and other maladies that make you wonder if life's worth
it.

But I have found out its not that - it is because I'm overworked.

The population of this country is 51 million.
21 milion are retired, that leaves 30 million to to the work.

There are 19 million in school. That leaves 11 million to do the work.

Two million are unemployed and four million are employed by the Government.
That leaves five million to do the work.

One million are in the Armed Forces leaving four million to do the work.

Three million are employed by councils leaving one million to do the work.

There are 620,000 in hospital and 379,998 in jail.

That leaves two people to do the work. You and me.

You are sitting on your backside reading this;
no wonder I'm tired._